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BUSINESS TIPS
Title: CHILDREN’S HEALTH - Bullying & Your Child (Part 2)
Posted: 15-08-2005
What Are Some Signs That a Child Is Being Bullied?
Of course, bumps and bruises are telltale signs your child has been physically bullied, but you can watch for other less obvious hints, too: • inventing mysterious illnesses to avoid school (for example, stomachaches, headaches, etc.)
• missing belongings or money
• sleeping problems
• bedwetting
• irritability
• poor concentration
• unexpected changes in routine
• problems with schoolwork Being bullied can also have long-term consequences, affecting the way children form relationships as adolescents and adults and even possibly leading to more serious problems like substance abuse and depression. In addition, bully victims are more likely to experience withdrawn behavior such as anxiety and depression. How to Help if Your Child Is Being Bullied
Being a good listener is one of the best ways to comfort your child. Just talking about the problem and knowing you care can be helpful. Your child is likely to feel vulnerable while discussing bullying and how it makes him or her feel, so it's important to show your love and support. If you find out that your child is being bullied, don't add to the burden by becoming angry. Although it's understandable to be upset, be careful not to let your child see that. Your sadness could be misinterpreted as disappointment. Be sure to validate your child's feelings - don't minimize them. You should also reassure your child that he or she isn't to blame. Explain that bullies are often confused or unhappy people who don't feel good about themselves. Also consider asking your child thoughtful questions, such as: • What's it like walking to the bus stop or home from school?
• What's it like on the bus ride to and from school?
• What happens on the playground during recess or before or after school?
• What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
• Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone you know?
• Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages that are upsetting, threatening, or insulting? This approach might make it easier for your child to talk about bullies because it isn't as personal and emphasizes that other kids experience bullying, too. Artwork and drawings or puppets may prompt younger victims to talk about bullies. Older children, however, may be helped by direct questions, like asking them to talk about their "friends" and "enemies." But telling your child what to actually do about bullying can be another story. The national KidsHealth KidsPoll showed that 46% of the children surveyed who said they've been bullied respond by fighting back, a solution that can just make things worse. Boys in the poll were more likely to say they would fight back than girls (53% of boys vs. 38% of girls), whereas girls were more likely to say they would talk to an adult than boys (32% of girls vs. 19% of boys). The key to helping your child deal with bullying is to help him or her regain a sense of dignity and recover damaged self-esteem. To help ward off bullies, give your child these tips: • Hold the anger. It's natural to want to get really upset with a bully, but that's exactly the response the bully is aiming for. Not only will getting angry or violent not solve the problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have control over your child's emotions. Each time they get a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the bully's fire - getting angry just makes the bully feel more powerful.
• Never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show anger, your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell your child that it's best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Tell your child to look the bully in the eye and say something like, "I want you to stop right now." Counsel your child to then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to "walk tall" and hold his or her head up high (using this type of body language sends a message that your child isn't vulnerable). Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and by walking away, or ignoring hurtful emails or instant messages, your child will be telling the bully that he or she just doesn't care. Sooner or later, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother your child.
• Use humor. If your child is in a situation in which he or she has to deal with a bully and can't walk away with poise, tell him or her to use humor or give the bully a compliment to throw the bully off guard. However, tell your child not to use humor to make fun of the bully.
• Tell an adult. If your child is being bullied, emphasize that it's very important to tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down on this type of behavior have less bullying.
• Talk about it. It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend - anyone who can give your child the support he or she needs. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when your child is being bullied.
• Use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of friends or a group may help both your child and others stand up to bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all, so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is picking on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable and is no way to treat another person. This can work especially well in group situations (i.e., when a member of your child's circle of friends starts to pick on or shun another member). Tell your child to make a plan to buddy up with a friend or two on the way to school, on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess or lunch - wherever your child thinks he or she might meet the bully. Tell your child to offer to do the same for a friend who's having trouble with a bully. When one person speaks out against a bully, it gives others license to add their support and take a stand, too.
• Develop more friendships by joining social organizations, clubs, or sports programs. Encourage regular play visits with other children at your home. Being in a group with other kids may help to build your child's self-esteem and give your child a larger group of positive peers to spend time with and turn to. Of course, you may have to intervene in persistent cases of bullying. That can involve walking to school with your child and talking to your child's teacher, school counselor, or principal. Safety should be everyone's concern. If you've tried the previous methods and still feel the need to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so within the context of the school, where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate. Stay turned for next month,s article – “If your child is the bully?”
by KidsHealth
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